after all

after all
so here i am. set at the restless dirty hands of america, sunkin in my debt and working via traditional old dead money. its been so long since i sat down and typed it all out. this past time hurt my mind and fingers. this spring was hard but the blow was harder. anyway. wednesdays seem to be misleading at the only living breathing souls who know nothing better than my life in and out slip away like the sweat off my brow.. not that i am any bit ashamed. life is life. love is love. and hate is hate. im finding i can either do one or the other. there seems to be no middle ground. ha! i've seem to become more intimate with my film lately, letting it explore me as i explore it. a mixture of this and along with my city skipping, i'd have to say my life is very much like a very well organized mess. but when has it not been? im just growing up into the person im becomming. or have i already become something other than what i was? or will i be whatever it is i want myself to become? ah, its all surreal in lame mans terms. i found things and lost things. gained things grew things and threw things. these past two semesters of me not writing, i spent my energy on other things. im not sure if anything was prosperous. somedays i loved to come back to this and follow my mind into memories i might as well label forgotten.

i met a girl i will never forget and a few boys i wont forget either.
i had opportunities that will lead to life experiences i will never ever get another shot at.
i rented an half house in the city with people i dont know.
i played on the same stage jenny owen youngs played on.
i was in a band for a few days.
i took something so super special from someone.
i got a new wardrobe.
i fell in love with life
i fell out of love with life
i lost my best friends
i lost my mind.
i loved myself again.
i sang about it.
i learned allison francis
i let go of most of my anger
i ate out almost every night.
i made tea with fruit instead of ice
i covered my walls with inspiration
i loved a girl i didnt think i could love
i found the perfect soul to match mine.
i mastered nyc
i saw a show there by myelf.
i love caitlin pasko still.
i know there is so much more
i have to work in the morning.

learn to love and live to learn.